“Get away from her you bitch!”

"I'm just off to Boots, I've got a bit of an acid reflux."
“I’m just off to Boots, I’ve got a bit of an acid reflux.”

Such is one of the best and most famous lines from any film, ever. It is of course from James Cameron’s Aliens (1986) as uttered by Ripley to the hissing Alien Queen in the climax of the film as it threatens the child, Newt.

During the Easter weekend we found ourselves not on planet LV-426 but in the Royals Shopping Centre in Southend, not with Newt but Isabelle Newt-man…and something else skulking in the shadows.

My mum and dad were visiting but it soon became clear that there were a few other visitors, this time of the extra-terrestrial kind, that had travelled that little bit further than Nottinghamshire (that’s right Leicestershire) who were in town with a few hours to kill.

The Force is strong in this one
The Force is strong in this one

Iz hasn’t seen Return of the Jedi but she made a quick bee line for an Ewok, happily stroking its hair and eagerly giving it a high-five, the pair thankfully stopped just short of nicking a pair of speederbikes. I was mostly rolling my eyes at people calling it Chewbacca, I mean c’mon!

It's hard Ewok but rewarding
It’s hard Ewok but rewarding

From out of the dark recesses of the Royals Shopping Centre, just left of TK Maxx, came something far less cuddly, an Alien Xenomorph! Obviously I know it’s rude to spit, but I certainly wasn’t going to tell it off. It really was an impressive costume and even its tail moved independently!

Iz dubbed the Alien ‘Crocodile Monster’ on account of its large mouth and swishing tail. I was going to zip to the 99p Store for a pack of cheap lighters and a can of deodorant for a makeshift flame thrower but I needn’t have worried.

Alien Vs Isabelle
Alien Vs Isabelle

Isabelle was initially cautious of the towering Xenomorph but was soon shaking its er hand. I didn’t ever recall Newt doing that in the theatrical version of Aliens, perhaps you only saw it in the Director’s Cut? I’m sure given half a chance Iz would have brought it home for a spot of Elefun.

Game over (New) man!
Game over (New) man!

With her attention on the gathered stormtroopers, speederbikers (I trust they got free parking), Ewok and Alien, Iz didn’t see the final attack coming. It was an attack of Predator-like invisibility and stealth (on account of him not wearing his red coat) as Iz was attacked by a hairy monster…her grandad delivering a barrage of kisses. Game over (New)man!

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