Dean Newman and the Dentist of Doom

You remember that bit at the beginning of Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom? You know that bit round the table with the diamond swap and a tux wearing Dr Jones finds out he has been poisoned and must get the antidote.

Well that was me earlier today at the dentist, minus the tux and the diamond of course, but I felt exactly the same as Indy, sweaty brow, blurred vision and loss of hearing after being given two anaesthetic jabs for some filings.

Asked to wait in the waiting room, where else, whilst they began to take effect I suddenly found myself burning up and ringing stamping out any other noise as I tried to regain focus on some woman singing about making pizza’s on CBBC…I’m fairly certain this was on TV at this point and it wasn’t me just being delusional.

I was then summoned back into the dentist’s chair but the dentist and her assistant’s face said it all as there was a buzz of activity and hushed conference between them as an almost fainting me was ushered into the chair and positioned so blood could rush back to my white as a sheet face. I’m pretty pale at the best of times but they said that the rest of the colour had completely drained from my face and was promptly given a glucose drink and asked to keep speaking to ensure I didn’t loose consciousness.

I’m not the biggest fan of dentists, thanks Marathon Man, but this was all brought on by a combination of the heat, my worry and not having had any lunch. Next time I’ll be packing a chocolate bar (and tooth brush for after naturally), my wife (handily a nurse – even though she laughed at my pale face in that chair today, and they call it the caring profession. I was assured it was a caring laugh though) and take the option of being knocked out. After freaking the bejesus out of my very nice and calming dentist I’ve been deferred to another practice, but I’ve heard great things about the Pankot Palace Dental Surgery and if you are really well behaved you’ll even get chilled monkey brains afterwards (hey, I started with an Indiana Jones theme so felt I had to end with one as well.)

Luckily my wife works just next door and she was summoned to help me navigate my way down the stairs, to be honest I felt a little bit like Rain Man (kind of dazed wandering) meets Lembit Opik (weird mouth and speech from me still being all numb), but am just pleased we were able to walk out as naturally as possible and not have to run behind a giant rolling gong and jump through a high rise window.

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